A Woman's Random Thoughts

Ever get this uneasy feeling some is lurking at you? Ever sense their ill wishes? Do not ignore them. Your life may really be in danger...

* Washing machine found with hoses cut; "You’re next" written in Woolite

* It tries to lure you inside by hiding one of your socks

* Immediately stops whispered conversations with washer when you walk in the room

Sure it’s best not to... But if you should ever get into trouble... I mean REAL trouble, and need a lawyer - here are some useful tips on what to avoid and how to tell your choice might just not to be the perfect one ;)

* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser".

Here’s a bunch of loose thoughts... Just the kind that might strike you over your morning bar of chocolate ;)

Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

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A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills.

She has 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn.

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They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock vigorous toning class?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen bitch... do it and die."

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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing.
And then they marry him.

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I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day.

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I know what Victoria’s "Secret" is. The "secret" is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

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If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?